Monday, December 31, 2012

What a weekend...

This weekend was supposed to be quite boring, with the exception of me having to get up early to take Cherie to work. I had no plans and was looking forward to being able to unwind and relax. And then my mother sent Cherie and I messages on facebook. She was deciding to delete us both from facebook because of our blogs and our lifestyle, which was the fist time I had heard of this. Needless to say I was pretty pissed, mostly because it means my mom is judging us based on our private lives, plus it means she was snooping, because neither of our blogs are mentioned on facebook, ever. She mentioned recommending that my siblings delete us as well, hasn't happened yet, and my dad hasn't either, which is surprising considering he is the one who usually gets upset quickly over something like this.

Well after all that joy, my whole plan of relaxing kind of went down the drain. I was restless, always wanting to do something, not knowing what to do. I started worrying about finances and got irritable about that all weekend.

I need stuff to do on my time off, other than reading and watching movies and television shows. Cherie suggested I do some volunteer work, since I want to do something that helps others. But when I say that I mean I want to for a living, not just because I like to help others. I honestly want to get into law enforcement, but it is so hard to do that without degrees and prior training. My military training doesn't qualify me for those kind of jobs, one of the big kick in the pants of being a laundry guy.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Just a post

Just thought I would post and say Happy Holidays for everyone who, no matter which one you celebrate.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Been awhile....again

It has been awhile since I posted and a lot has happened since then. I got a raise at work, Cherie got signed up for classes, decided to delete her fetlife account  and finally got my X-Box 360 that I have been wanting. And that is just to name a few. I feel we both have had struggles and gotten better, as a whole. We thought that Cherie might have been pregnant, we were excited, but false alarm.

 I feel that I am at a crossroads again though. I feel it may be time to drop the dream of writing and look towards another dream, one that I am not sure what it is yet. This has been particularly hard on me because I feel that if I can get the ideas onto paper or the computer that they would be really great stories to tell, unfortunately I have an inability to transfer my ideas from my head to wherever I want to put them. We cannot afford for me to go to school at the same time as Cherie, so that dream I want to accomplish will have to wait.

Neither one of us has been hyper social lately either. Cherie thinks that school will give her more opportunities to do so, and I agree with her there. Alas, I don't have that option. I want to spend time with people I already know and care about, Brad and Cindy, Vicky, Mike, Ryan, Chris and John, all of my friends I have now. But it seems time and money always get in the way, and I am starting to whine.

I hope all who read this are well this holiday season, and keep strong and not succumb to the chaos that seems to be permeating the world. This is to be a time of peace and togetherness, a celebration of life in the harshness of winter.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Been awhile

It's been awhile since I have posted last and a lot has happened since then. I went through a major depressive streak, and it was really affecting my relationship with Cherie. It got better, but it has been making me think and I really am working on keeping my mental confidence up and being more decisive in my decision making. I am still working on getting to the point I need to be at.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Doldrums

Hey everyone one in the blogger. Thought I better write, seeing as I haven't in a couple weeks. I guess there has been a case of the Doldrums around here, for me at least. I feel like I have been just sitting in one place for awhile now. Even though I am working in a different spot at work and all that. Even though I wrote a couple weeks ago for the first time in a long while. I just seem to be going through the motions, and it has definitely been affecting my mindset as Master and as a man. This seems to occur once or twice a year and I have never been able to get it to stop. I just get settled into something and I start getting lax. I feel like I need some excitement, and I don't know what kind.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The Alpha Fictions

Hey everyone. I like to write fiction, and will be posting those works on another blog, please check it out and let me know what you think. http://alphafictions.blogspot.com/

The Why- My Decision to say yes to Poly

Posted 10/08/2012 on Fetlife, I figure posting it here would be cool also.

Well, today I said yes to let Cherie start looking for someone to play with her little, and honestly I am okay if she wants to date/play with any other particular classification of peoples as well. This is a big step for me, mostly because while I am confident in our love and our bond, I have always been a worrier.
What made me decide to say yes today of all days you may ask? Well honestly I think the pieces in my head finally aligned in the right way to fit the puzzle that is my psyche together. I am a very scrambled mind, and logically I knew all the little pieces would work, I just couldn't get them to click. They finally did today and I am glad they did, though the mental gymnastics left a nasty headache lol. I myself am happy with what I have been blessed with, but if there is another out there who would make our family better, I will welcome them with open arms, and cherish them as much as I do Cherie.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Trying to find compramise

Cherie is a city girl, always has been. I alas am not a city boy, I was born and raised in the country, and while I do not ascribe to all of the country life tenants, I do have a fondness for the isolation and the privacy that comes with it. Lately, I have been looking at possible cities that I can compromise with, one that I can go to an isolated, nature rich place where I can wind down if a day is to rough. Cherie wants to go to school at University of Nebraska Kearney here in town, so any move will be on hold, she needs this opportunity also. Any good suggestions, preferably without major winter issues.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Unwinding

I have been trying to unwind all night from work, a very long day at work, and it seems Cherie is delibratley trying to keep me wound up. Thats all.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Gangbang and some thoughts on it.

So I decided to start setting up a gangbang for Cherie, despite some adversions to it still existing. I feel that if I keep the numbers low I will be able to control those better. So I am coming up with ideas and trying to work on vetting ideas for it and I hope to get it done this year. Thats all I got on that, hust wanted to put that out there haha.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Code of Conduct and new rules for Cherie and any future s/type partners

Been awhile since I posted last, training been taking a lot of time and I haven't wanted to. But I came up with some new rules and a Code of Conduct for Cherie and any s/type I should be involved with. So here it goes. Note these are written for her to say.

Code of Conduct
1. I will obey Master and complete given tasks in a timely manner.

2. If a task/chore is not completed, I will inform Master and accept the given discipline/punishment.

3. I will not think negatively of myself, or in a way that reflects negatively on myself as Masters slave.

4. I will use tact when speaking to those with whom I disagree with. This shows discipline as Masters slave.

5. Masters decision is final. To challange it is disrespectful.

6. When asked for my opinion, I will state it with reasons.

7. I will stay motivated, as it will help Master stay motivated.

8. If I am having a problem I will inform Master immediately.

Duties/Chores
1. Make coffee

2. Make bed

3. Write three positive things about myself

4. Exercise*

5. Vaccum*

6. Post on blog*

7. Talk to Fetlife friends*

8. Be kneeling at foot of couch when Master gets home.*

9. Remain naked inside apartment

10. Shave and shower daily

11. Pick up dirty clothes
* Dependant on work schedule, still must be done, just at different time

There they are, tell me what you all think.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

What I would like in a Clan

Well the other night I asked Cherie about what kind of people she would like to have in our Clan, I am officially calling it a Clan because it fits better than pack. She said she wasn't sure and would write it down once she figured it out. Well it has been a couple days and I figured I would write out my thinking on it to help get the thought processes flowing for her. And well.... here it goes.

I think, at least for a start, a total of four people is a good number to start out with. I think that things should be balanced, two D-types and two S-types. I feel the other D-type should have some aspects of a Daddy/Mommy personality, so Cherie has someone that understands her Little side more. But, I feel that they should also have a Master/Mistress attitude as well, to keep Cherie in her slave space when I am not around. For the second s-type, I feel that a good mix of slave, little, masochist, and sub are really required. I would like both to be like a brother/sister to both of us. I am not going for physical types at the moment sense It is more important to find those who can mentally meet our needs and wants as well as the physical. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Pack

So Cherie asked me to post what I meant by "pack" in my last post. I just wanted to tell her, but she brought up it is easier for her to learn by reading. Well sense that made sense, here it goes. When I think of a pack, I think of An alpha couple, with other couples below them. Now D-type members of the couples are still above the s-type members of other couples, but they still must ask permission from a higher ranked D-type. Now, the ranking is usually determined by whichever couple first suggests, and then... I honestly haven't figured it all yet lol.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Poly thinkings

I have been thinking about the whole poly amorous thing lately and I am getting more and more okay with it. I have been talking to people who are in those relationships and reading several writings on fetlife that helped me quite a bit. I am at a point where I just need to think about what I want in the relationship, for both me and for Cherie. I know what basic things Cherie would like and I just need to figure out which ones I am okay with. And honestly I am not sure what all I would like in this. I know I have always wanted my own "pack" for the lack of a better term, with Cherie and I being the Alpha couple. That is all I got for now, just need to get ready and do some final pack for the move. Hopefully it isn't too hot today.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Wedding, Bisexuality and sharing, etc. etc.

Wedding was Friday and everything went amazingly well, even with the  whole dress thing the day before. Family and friends came, we kept it short and sweet and relaxed, ate our meal enjoyed the cake and were home by 8:15. Denver Comic Con was great, we saw a lot of good things and really enjoyed it, we are thinking about making it our annual tradition.

Recently Cherie has commented on wishing I was bisexual, and I will answer as best I can on that, I have never been sexually attracted to men, I acknowledge that men can be attractive, they just aren't to me. That is all there is to that.

She also has brought up being shared with another man or multiple men, short or long term, I personally am ok with short term, but I know Cherie really wants it to be a long term thing. I personally at this point am not comfortable with a long term arrangement, my self confidence is just not high enough at this time. That is just something that could change over time though.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Wedding, WHY?

Someone posted a question on Cherie's blog about why we are getting married so soon and why? Well like Cherie said, because we can. We made this decision together and it is financial boon for us. For me it is also a dream of mine to be married before my friends and family, as odd as that sounds for a guy. But that is my response to that

Monday, May 14, 2012

Feeling off, way off

I haven't posted in awhile for a reason, I just have been off, way off and been stubbornly trying to deal with it myself. It is affecting all sorts of things with me. I am not getting restful sleep, I have little desire to do things I want to do, I didn't even want to write yesterday when I had a good idea and new pens. I am slipping back into depression and I don't know why. Things have been going great, at least I think they have been. I know I should talk to someone about it, but it is so damn hard to trust someone I don't know with it, it is even hard for me to admit this to Cherie, and I trust her explicitly.

So, Cherie, when you read this, I am sorry that I haven't been able to tell you until recently how off I have been.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Frustrated

Cherie had a freakout this evening and it affected a young woman who we both have been talking to. We have talked about it, but I have a feeling that I was not aware of what was going the whole time, which gives me a "scratch". We will see how things go.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Jealousy and the aftermath

If you read Cheries blog, and most of you do, you know about her jealousy incident, and how we handled it. Well I would like to put some of my thoughts on the incident down just so she can see them, because lately I haven't been wanting to speak on many things.

First, when this happened and she told me what was happening in her mind, I was worried. Cherie is dealing with alot of things with her depression, she doesn't need to have to deal with being jealous about me talking with one of our friends as well. Second, I got the feeling that while she wants to be poly, she wants her partners to be monogamous with her. She denies this, but I still get that feeling.. Those are just acouple things I had come in my mind. Hope everyone has a good day.

P.S Avengers tonight, super excited for it!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Travel and Headspace

Things have been going great with me and Cherie, our new protocols are working well and I am keeping in my own headspace alot better, this weekend will be a big test of that. We are going to Missouri to visit her family and spend time with them. I am anxious with both my mindset and hers, plus travel makes me super anxious, since I have't had a chance to fix the things that need it on my car yet, dang bonus taking forever.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

My challenge

Recently I have been having troubles keeping my mind in the "Master" headspace that is needed with my slave, Cherie. It is a problem that happens on and off since we have taken things into M/s. My biggest issue is I have to hold back that part of my mind at my job and in the reserves, seeing as I am not in a leadership position in either at this time. I have been trying to come up with ideas that can help me keeping in the mindset without causing issues with my work and my military career. Any who read this feel free to message me and give me an idea.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

General Thoughts

Howdy everyone one in cyberspace, it has been a little while since my last post and I am just feeling like writing some general thoughts and ideas today.

Things have been going well with Cherie and I, so that is always good. I have been working pretty good hours and am really hoping that things pick up at work more here soon, because optional days suck because I don't want to go in then. I am wanting to start writing a fantasy erotica or erotic romance here soon, but am having troubles doing the mental prep work that I like to do before I start writing. Cherie and I ordered her collar last night before we went to see the Hunger Games, which I actually enjoyed. I am excited to get the collar in, seeing as the necklace we had for her temporary collar started turning her neck green. I am starting to think of some new rules and protocols too. I am really starting to feel comfortable in my role as Master again, after going through a brief period where I wasn't feeling it. Well, that is all for today, well maybe not, might think of something to post later.

Stay True
Alpha Hellion

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Religious views and the like

Hello again. This morning I am going to clarify my religious views and how I feel about most others.

I was raised Lutheran, and for most of my life was very mindful of the tenants of my religion and of the general Christian religious system. But then there were a series of events that have led me to have a dislike of organized religious practices in general. First thing happened when I was 17, I was away at Basic Training when I received a letter from my mother telling me that our pastor was leaving our church, and was in fact being asked to step down by members of the congregation. My mind raced as to find an answer, and by the time I finished the letter I had found it. Several of the older families in the Church felt that pastor was doing things incorrectly because he was using an older, more traditional form of service, which I quite enjoyed. So these older families made claims that he was going against the churches wishes by not using a more up to date, and more lax form of worship. Well the larger Church sided with them and Pastor was removed, mind you I was a voting member of the church at this point and unable to voice my opinion on the matter from halfway across the country, I felt betrayed by the worldly church, Here was a married man with two great daughters and grandchildren, who took up the call to serve God after he had been married for years, had his two children, worked his way through the seminary, and the Church abandoned him. That flew in right in the face of my sense of respect and honor.
 

I returned from basic training and continued to go to this church because it was a nonnegotiable thing with my parents, I was not ready to fend for myself completely at 17. Over the next couple years, I attended less frequently as school, work and my stubbornness started to kick in more. I read the Bible quite often and studied it extensively during that time, and many of the paramount things I had been taught as a child were still there, but others were not. I studied history and saw what people do in the name of religion, wars, murder, rape, kidnapping. I started to research religions of all kinds to find one that shared my beliefs, and found none. And then, a couple months prior to my deployment I read an article by a member of my parents Church about worship and it opened my eyes to the possibility of being, spiritual, not religious.

Spiritual, but not religious, what does that mean? To me it means that I practice the ideals and tenants that I feel God has placed me here to practice and show to the world, there by honoring him and his Son. I believe in hard work and loyalty to friends and those you claim as family, even if you don't like them. I believe in the gift of our free will, to do as we please, but be mindful there may be consequences for your actions. I believe in the evolutionary process through intelligent design, in other words God started the Big Bang and watched it and corrected what needed to be so he would get the results he wanted, us. I believe that sex and all things sexual is ok, as long as it involves consenting, informed individuals who take necessary precautions to ensure their safety. I believe in magic, and in our ability to use it to benefit others and ourselves, not the abuse of it for purely selfish means. I believe in treating others the way you want to be treated and doing everything for the glory of God. We should honor God and his Son for repairing our word of honor with them, which Adam and Eve, who I believe were the first human beings God spoke to, broke their word and gained knowledge they were not ready to have.

Now on to my views of other religions, to include Christianity.

First I want to touch on Leveyan Satanism, because a post on Fetlife brought it up. Anton Levey and his followers quite often are seen as devil worshipers, but they are not, they are worshipers of themselves. The Satanist I have had the "pleasure" of meeting was one of the most selfish. egotistical people I have ever met. The followers of this "religion" are taught quite often, self first and only. They feel that it should be about me, me, and me again. I personally feel that this leads down paths that end in pain and sorrow.

Islam is next, just because it is a hot button topic still. Islam is a branch of the Judea-Christian religions, It took the the parts it like from Judaism and early Christian beliefs and applied them to the Arab sociopolitical world.  Several principals from this religion are often misconstrued, by both sides. The term "Jihad" or holy war, is often taken quite literally, as it would have been when the religion was first entering into an area long dominated by the worship of old deities like Baal. Today, it should mean a practice of keeping the practices of ones beliefs despite others objections. Now, I abhor the view this religion puts on women, always have. I feel that women should have as much choice as the men, in everything.

Buddhism, which is a religion, and yet I feel it should not be classified as such. Buddhism, how I understand it, is the process of reaching enlightenment through pacifism, meditation, and self-sacrifice. I feel that it is at best a lifestyle philosophy, at worst and excuse to worship a mortal man.

Paganism, with all its many different gods and goddesses from all over the world. You worship whichever one you like and screw the rest it seems. You pick the deity you want based off your ideals. I really don't have much of an opinion on that, just don't.

Judaism, I admittedly do not know very much about. What I do know is I feel that many of their concepts are based in the time when certain things were most definitely a death sentence and the laws were made to keep as many people alive as possible.

Now to Christianity, as a whole. I follow many basic concepts of the Christian faiths, but I disagree with many as well. Christianity seems to have been transformed from the love filled, peace spreading faith, to one of if your not with us, you are against us and you must burn for it. There seems to be a growing trend in Christian churches to forget many of their basic teachings in favor of anger and hate when something secular happens they don't like.

I feel that anyone is able to worship as they choose, because we will never know who is right until the world ends, in other words human beings dieing out. And that is today's nonsensical rant.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Reenlistment

Well Monday morning I am going to be officially reenlisting for six more years. Now, up until a couple months ago I wouldn't even contemplate reenlisting, but something finally clicked in my head I think and said, you love doing this, the BS you put up with is really minimal. So I decided to jump further down the rabbit hole and sign. As the old army cadence says reup, your crazy, dang straight I am BWAHAHA!

Expectations a response to my slave.

A couple weeks ago, cherie, my slave posted on her expectations of me as her Master. Now to me this is fine and dandy, as it shows that she expects me to be what I need to be for both of us. Some people may get by seeing these things being posted that I am not really a Master or even Dominant at all, but that is false. Enough about that, here are my expectations of cherie.

1. I expect cherie to do what she is told to do/asked of her regardless of whether she wants to or not.

2. I expect cherie to accept my decisions on matters as final.

3. I expect cherie to come to me if she has troubles of any kind.

4. I expect cherie to be patient when things do not go at the pace which she thinks they should.

5. I expect full honesty from cherie.

I know I am new to this and that I have troubles staying in the mindset of a Master all the time, but nobody is perfect, nobody is just able to step perfectly into a role he/she had been unaware of for so long and be expected to know everything right away or do everything right. Well that is all for now.

Alpha Hellion

Thursday, March 1, 2012

What I am looking for in a Second Slave

I am working on a list for what I want to look for in my second slave, so I figure that I should start making a list that will put my ideas for our relationship out there.

First I am committed to Cherie and she will always be number one in my household. That needs to be understood first and foremost. I feel that this needs to be  first and foremost in her mind. Second, she will be subordinate to Cherie in my absence.

Age wise I would like to find a woman between 18 and 25 years of age, just to keep the age range close.Physically I am attracted to all sorts of women, though I do prefer curvy women. Hair color is not important, neither is eye. I have a thing for tattoos and the punk look, but any look works with me, that can always be changed. I am not picky with race either. I would prefer you be in Nebraska or one of the surrounding states, so to make travel to and from our locations until relocation is decided upon.

Cherie really wants a friend, someone she can be partners and lovers with, somebody that she can be comfortable with.

I truly am horrible making proper lists because I like to draw out what I put down.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Exhaustion

Hey out there, its been awhile since I posted last and thought it would be a good time to post. Lately I have been thoroughly exhausted, with trying to keep up with work, and our daily running around and the suprisingly exhausting process of trying to get it through my thick skull that more than likely I will not be able to reenlist in the Reserves. All this has added up to me being very un-Masterly (if that is a term), and that has been putting some undue strain on Cherie and myself both. Hopefully after drill this coming weekend I will be able to catch up on my rest and things will get back to normal and maybe even improve.

On a side note, I am going to join the search for a second slave for our relationship, and am completely unsure of what I want to look for since there are things I like in women that Cherie doesn't like ( and I want Cherie to be attracted to her at the very least).

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Questions and Answers

Well Lights has another blog on LiveJournal and some of the people on there asked some questions about me and my views, so I figured what the heck and am going to post some responses.

When did he first realize this side of him?
I realized this aspect of my personality some time ago, but kept putting it off due to the way I was raised to view relationships and most aspects of life. I guess I truly realized it during my deployment and through meditation. I had some interactions with people in the lifestyle online during that time and researched all sorts of stuff about it.

How far does he take it into his daily interactions with women?
 I treat women with respect and dignity in my daily interactions. Honestly I feel just because I am a master doesn't mean I am better than anyone person. Respect earns trust and submission better than fear and anger.

When did you first learn of BDSM and how did you react?
 I learned about BDSM actually when I was very young, so I didn't understand it  like I do now. I was raised very conservative and thought alot of things were very wrong. But when I realized that it was something that I was interested in, I researched it and got more and more excited  about it. Finally I learned that it was a good thing when all parties are consenting.

What led him to identifying as and becoming a Master?

I initially identified as a Dominant, but as Lights and my relationship developed, her and I both decided on trying to incorporate a M/s relationship into things and I have become more and more of a Master for Lights as I go, though I still make mistakes.

What are his expectations from his submissive?
My expectations for Lights and any of my submissives/slaves (should I have more in the future) is for them to be respectful at all times to me and those that treat them with respect, to do what they are told quickly and efficiently, and to be open to change in all aspects so we can grow and learn.

Given a choice of only one form of "punishment" what would it be?
I don't like using punishments, but when I do I like using writing assignments with them giving what they did wrong, the reasoning behind it and what they are going to do in the future to correct it. Physical punishments aren't needed most of the time, I haven't had a need for one yet. 

That's all I got for now, I hope you enjoy and take care.

Stay True
 Alpha Hellion

Monday, February 6, 2012

Masterly Things

So Cherie (my little name for my slave Lights) suggested that I write down some of the things that I felt I had done that were "Masterly"  recently, and I think its a good idea, so here I go.

Recently I have been making more of the final say so in decisions that are the more important ones. This was my biggest problem I feel, I have a tendency to be very relaxed and very co-dependent on decisions. I do need to work on it still, after all so many years of learning is hard to break.

I think I mentioned this at some point earlier, but Lights has asked to find a woman to have a relationship with and be the dominant of. I agreed to this and have agreed to stay as hands free as possible. Eventually I would hope this would lead to a second slave in our household, but first Lights has to get ok with the idea of sharing me, hopefully this will help.

Stay True
Alpha Hellion

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Relationships

Lights (my slaves online name) recently asked me if she could try out dominating another person, a female particularly. She wants to find someone she can be friends with and still be dominant over, whether this turns sexual or not is up to her I guess. She wants me to have limited contact with this, which I am OK with. I am excited to see my slave grow and learn about herself. I won't force my joining in because of promises I made early on in our relationship, but at some point I would like to join in a nonsexual form, maybe dominating them both at the same time. I love having new experiences and I feel that this one would be really good for me to see if I am OK with polyamorous experiences, because I know Lights is interested in that, even though she isn't OK with sharing me hehe. Well there is my nonsensical writing for the day. Hope You enjoy

Stay True
Alpha Hellion

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Intro and Welcome

Greetings and welcome to the first installment of the Alpha Chronicles. I am Alpha Hellion, I am 24 years old and from the mid part of Nebraska. I am a vet who served in Operation: Iraqi Freedom. I had many different experiences, but one of the most important one was finding out my initial interest in the world of BDSM, particularly Dominance/submissive aspects. I stalked some of the major BDSM sites, but took a bit of time to find my spot. I eventually met several great people who welcomed me into the "lifestyle"  I met my fiance, who blogs on here as well, through this. Last month, she asked me if I would have her as my slave, and I said yes. I am still learning and I am going to be posting some of my journey as well as random thoughts and tidbits. I hope you enjoy and feel free to comment, I love to hear all sorts of stuff like that.