Good talk and a boring weekend

Last night Cherie and I had a good talk on some of our hangups and the whys of them. It gave me some hope that we will be able to work them out. Now it is just going to be a lazy weekend, Cherie has homework for school and I have nothing planned. Probably should do dishes and laundry and such, but we will see. I hope everyone who reads my blog has a good weekend. Talk to you all later.

Gah... or how I feel sometimes

I am currently having a mini freakout about the stupidest of things. I haven't been thrilled about my job since I started it, it definitely gets to me. Today it got to me more than normal, and with money being so tight, they cut Cherie's hours at work since it is the post holiday slow down, it has been really affecting me. Throw on top of that, me feeling like I am a horrible lover to Cherie because I cannot at this time fulfill one of her major fantasies, and it spells a Gah moment. I also may be getting sick, which means I cannot sleep even more and I am starting to ramble again. So yeah, cliff notes version, I feel ill and I feel inadequate.

Happy Birthday

So today is my birthday and it was a pretty boring day, which was very nice. I had drill this weekend and got a cake from my folks, they put it in my car at the reserve center. I was still a little upset with my mothers poking around. Other than that was an uneventful weekend.

What a weekend...

This weekend was supposed to be quite boring, with the exception of me having to get up early to take Cherie to work. I had no plans and was looking forward to being able to unwind and relax. And then my mother sent Cherie and I messages on facebook. She was deciding to delete us both from facebook because of our blogs and our lifestyle, which was the fist time I had heard of this. Needless to say I was pretty pissed, mostly because it means my mom is judging us based on our private lives, plus it means she was snooping, because neither of our blogs are mentioned on facebook, ever. She mentioned recommending that my siblings delete us as well, hasn't happened yet, and my dad hasn't either, which is surprising considering he is the one who usually gets upset quickly over something like this.

Well after all that joy, my whole plan of relaxing kind of went down the drain. I was restless, always wanting to do something, not knowing what to do. I started worrying about finances and got irritable about that all weekend.

I need stuff to do on my time off, other than reading and watching movies and television shows. Cherie suggested I do some volunteer work, since I want to do something that helps others. But when I say that I mean I want to for a living, not just because I like to help others. I honestly want to get into law enforcement, but it is so hard to do that without degrees and prior training. My military training doesn't qualify me for those kind of jobs, one of the big kick in the pants of being a laundry guy.

Just a post

Just thought I would post and say Happy Holidays for everyone who, no matter which one you celebrate.

Been awhile....again

It has been awhile since I posted and a lot has happened since then. I got a raise at work, Cherie got signed up for classes, decided to delete her fetlife account  and finally got my X-Box 360 that I have been wanting. And that is just to name a few. I feel we both have had struggles and gotten better, as a whole. We thought that Cherie might have been pregnant, we were excited, but false alarm.

 I feel that I am at a crossroads again though. I feel it may be time to drop the dream of writing and look towards another dream, one that I am not sure what it is yet. This has been particularly hard on me because I feel that if I can get the ideas onto paper or the computer that they would be really great stories to tell, unfortunately I have an inability to transfer my ideas from my head to wherever I want to put them. We cannot afford for me to go to school at the same time as Cherie, so that dream I want to accomplish will have to wait.

Neither one of us has been hyper social lately either. Cherie thinks that school will give her more opportunities to do so, and I agree with her there. Alas, I don't have that option. I want to spend time with people I already know and care about, Brad and Cindy, Vicky, Mike, Ryan, Chris and John, all of my friends I have now. But it seems time and money always get in the way, and I am starting to whine.

I hope all who read this are well this holiday season, and keep strong and not succumb to the chaos that seems to be permeating the world. This is to be a time of peace and togetherness, a celebration of life in the harshness of winter.

Been awhile

It's been awhile since I have posted last and a lot has happened since then. I went through a major depressive streak, and it was really affecting my relationship with Cherie. It got better, but it has been making me think and I really am working on keeping my mental confidence up and being more decisive in my decision making. I am still working on getting to the point I need to be at.

The Doldrums

Hey everyone one in the blogger. Thought I better write, seeing as I haven't in a couple weeks. I guess there has been a case of the Doldrums around here, for me at least. I feel like I have been just sitting in one place for awhile now. Even though I am working in a different spot at work and all that. Even though I wrote a couple weeks ago for the first time in a long while. I just seem to be going through the motions, and it has definitely been affecting my mindset as Master and as a man. This seems to occur once or twice a year and I have never been able to get it to stop. I just get settled into something and I start getting lax. I feel like I need some excitement, and I don't know what kind.

The Alpha Fictions

Hey everyone. I like to write fiction, and will be posting those works on another blog, please check it out and let me know what you think. http://alphafictions.blogspot.com/

The Why- My Decision to say yes to Poly

Posted 10/08/2012 on Fetlife, I figure posting it here would be cool also.

Well, today I said yes to let Cherie start looking for someone to play with her little, and honestly I am okay if she wants to date/play with any other particular classification of peoples as well. This is a big step for me, mostly because while I am confident in our love and our bond, I have always been a worrier.
What made me decide to say yes today of all days you may ask? Well honestly I think the pieces in my head finally aligned in the right way to fit the puzzle that is my psyche together. I am a very scrambled mind, and logically I knew all the little pieces would work, I just couldn't get them to click. They finally did today and I am glad they did, though the mental gymnastics left a nasty headache lol. I myself am happy with what I have been blessed with, but if there is another out there who would make our family better, I will welcome them with open arms, and cherish them as much as I do Cherie.

Trying to find compramise

Cherie is a city girl, always has been. I alas am not a city boy, I was born and raised in the country, and while I do not ascribe to all of the country life tenants, I do have a fondness for the isolation and the privacy that comes with it. Lately, I have been looking at possible cities that I can compromise with, one that I can go to an isolated, nature rich place where I can wind down if a day is to rough. Cherie wants to go to school at University of Nebraska Kearney here in town, so any move will be on hold, she needs this opportunity also. Any good suggestions, preferably without major winter issues.

Unwinding

I have been trying to unwind all night from work, a very long day at work, and it seems Cherie is delibratley trying to keep me wound up. Thats all.

Gangbang and some thoughts on it.

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Code of Conduct and new rules for Cherie and any future s/type partners

Been awhile since I posted last, training been taking a lot of time and I haven't wanted to. But I came up with some new rules and a Code of Conduct for Cherie and any s/type I should be involved with. So here it goes. Note these are written for her to say.

Code of Conduct
1. I will obey Master and complete given tasks in a timely manner.

2. If a task/chore is not completed, I will inform Master and accept the given discipline/punishment.

3. I will not think negatively of myself, or in a way that reflects negatively on myself as Masters slave.

4. I will use tact when speaking to those with whom I disagree with. This shows discipline as Masters slave.

5. Masters decision is final. To challange it is disrespectful.

6. When asked for my opinion, I will state it with reasons.

7. I will stay motivated, as it will help Master stay motivated.

8. If I am having a problem I will inform Master immediately.

Duties/Chores
1. Make coffee

2. Make bed

3. Write three positive things about myself

4. Exercise*

5. Vaccum*

6. Post on blog*

7. Talk to Fetlife friends*

8. Be kneeling at foot of couch when Master gets home.*

9. Remain naked inside apartment

10. Shave and shower daily

11. Pick up dirty clothes
* Dependant on work schedule, still must be done, just at different time

There they are, tell me what you all think.

What I would like in a Clan

Well the other night I asked Cherie about what kind of people she would like to have in our Clan, I am officially calling it a Clan because it fits better than pack. She said she wasn't sure and would write it down once she figured it out. Well it has been a couple days and I figured I would write out my thinking on it to help get the thought processes flowing for her. And well.... here it goes.

I think, at least for a start, a total of four people is a good number to start out with. I think that things should be balanced, two D-types and two S-types. I feel the other D-type should have some aspects of a Daddy/Mommy personality, so Cherie has someone that understands her Little side more. But, I feel that they should also have a Master/Mistress attitude as well, to keep Cherie in her slave space when I am not around. For the second s-type, I feel that a good mix of slave, little, masochist, and sub are really required. I would like both to be like a brother/sister to both of us. I am not going for physical types at the moment sense It is more important to find those who can mentally meet our needs and wants as well as the physical. 

Pack

So Cherie asked me to post what I meant by "pack" in my last post. I just wanted to tell her, but she brought up it is easier for her to learn by reading. Well sense that made sense, here it goes. When I think of a pack, I think of An alpha couple, with other couples below them. Now D-type members of the couples are still above the s-type members of other couples, but they still must ask permission from a higher ranked D-type. Now, the ranking is usually determined by whichever couple first suggests, and then... I honestly haven't figured it all yet lol.

Poly thinkings

I have been thinking about the whole poly amorous thing lately and I am getting more and more okay with it. I have been talking to people who are in those relationships and reading several writings on fetlife that helped me quite a bit. I am at a point where I just need to think about what I want in the relationship, for both me and for Cherie. I know what basic things Cherie would like and I just need to figure out which ones I am okay with. And honestly I am not sure what all I would like in this. I know I have always wanted my own "pack" for the lack of a better term, with Cherie and I being the Alpha couple. That is all I got for now, just need to get ready and do some final pack for the move. Hopefully it isn't too hot today.

Wedding, Bisexuality and sharing, etc. etc.

Wedding was Friday and everything went amazingly well, even with the  whole dress thing the day before. Family and friends came, we kept it short and sweet and relaxed, ate our meal enjoyed the cake and were home by 8:15. Denver Comic Con was great, we saw a lot of good things and really enjoyed it, we are thinking about making it our annual tradition.

Recently Cherie has commented on wishing I was bisexual, and I will answer as best I can on that, I have never been sexually attracted to men, I acknowledge that men can be attractive, they just aren't to me. That is all there is to that.

She also has brought up being shared with another man or multiple men, short or long term, I personally am ok with short term, but I know Cherie really wants it to be a long term thing. I personally at this point am not comfortable with a long term arrangement, my self confidence is just not high enough at this time. That is just something that could change over time though.

Wedding, WHY?

Someone posted a question on Cherie's blog about why we are getting married so soon and why? Well like Cherie said, because we can. We made this decision together and it is financial boon for us. For me it is also a dream of mine to be married before my friends and family, as odd as that sounds for a guy. But that is my response to that

Feeling off, way off

I haven't posted in awhile for a reason, I just have been off, way off and been stubbornly trying to deal with it myself. It is affecting all sorts of things with me. I am not getting restful sleep, I have little desire to do things I want to do, I didn't even want to write yesterday when I had a good idea and new pens. I am slipping back into depression and I don't know why. Things have been going great, at least I think they have been. I know I should talk to someone about it, but it is so damn hard to trust someone I don't know with it, it is even hard for me to admit this to Cherie, and I trust her explicitly.

So, Cherie, when you read this, I am sorry that I haven't been able to tell you until recently how off I have been.